self-compassion

Keeping Score

It’s funny how there are times in life where you absolutely need to take a step back and re-evaluate your life. Most recently, that is happening for me as I’m about to celebrate my 42nd birthday in a few days.

I’ve had a number of starts, stops and resets in my personal journey and just as I think I’ve finally started to figure (some) things out, the universe seems to shake things up again. I begin (again) to rethink all of my decisions that have brought me to where I am at the present moment and I take time to really look at my world and my life and my choices and ask myself the hard questions.

I wonder does anyone else find themselves second guessing things over and over again? I’m envious of the people in the world who just seem to have gotten things right and appear for all intents and purposes to be coasting through their lives. (If that’s you reading this, you need to call me or write a how-to book because I feel like my time is ticking away and my life is overwrought with mistakes on top of more mistakes.)

I really do want to get things right. Just once.

Overall, I just want peace and quiet deep down and all the way into my soul because I’m tired, y’all. At the same time, in my current role as a Bereavement Coordinator for a local Hospice, I have the honor of spending time with people in their final days and sometimes hours while supporting their families and significant others as they learn their way forward in their grief. I’ve found that I’m so envious of those people who have their forever person to hold their hand through their life’s journey. Recently I’ve supported people who have had “their person” for 50+ years. It seems a rare thing in this day and age and it’s bittersweet to have a small window in to a love like that.

And then I think to myself, maybe I’m my own person. Maybe there’s no real “ride or die” that’s meant for me. Maybe my journey is meant to have starts and stops and resets because I’m supposed to learn grace and patience and perseverance along the way with fierce independence? And if that’s the case: yikes. That’s hella scary to me.

I love people. I love people fiercely. But maybe a fierce and hard love like that burns so brightly and then, ultimately burns out for a reason. Maybe I’ve given too much of what’s inherently me, away.

I don’t have the answers for me. I had hoped that I’d have my shit figured out by now. The only thing I really know for sure anymore is that I know absolutely nothing.

I know that there are no absolutes for me and there haven’t yet been any black and white situations where I’ve known what’s what. There’s all kinds of shades of grey.

And maybe that too, is a lesson that this life is teaching me. That I’m not ready for the test or the final exam so to speak. I’m still learning and growing and studying and hoping that I’ll ace it when my time comes.

Let’s cross our fingers and hope.

Much love.

Always.

xoxo

self-care, self-compassion

Un-Stick Yourself!

Some of the harder life lessons that I’ve carried with me for 42 years, I’ve recently had to unlearn and un-teach myself. They were lies. The big, fat ugly ones. The heavy ones that weigh you down and cause you to be small and feel like you can’t stand up tall and be who you’re made to be.

It’s not really clear to me where I picked up these untruths. I can’t say if anyone in particular said them to me with their outside voice or I was simply led to believe them by the actions of others. But they stuck.

And, the un-sticking has been hard. But it’s also been worth it.

Here are some of my favorite big-fat-ugly lies that I am unlearning: I am inherently hard to love. I am too much. I am not enough. I’m unworthy of kindness. Who I am is wrong.

And here are the universal truths that I am reteaching myself —- on a daily basis: Love is easy. Love doesn’t judge. Love doesn’t keep a tally of wrongs. Love doesn’t require me to do anything. Love lets me be me and doesn’t ask a single thing of me. Love doesn’t find my faults. Love doesn’t shame me. Love doesn’t make me feel anxious or less than. Love doesn’t think I’m too much. Love doesn’t think I’m not enough.

Also: Love is perfect. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love doesn’t judge. Love doesn’t require me to earn it. Love simply is.

I hope that you haven’t learned the wrong lessons in your life, but if you have, I want you to know that those big-fat-ugly lies are not who YOU are. Who YOU are is magic. Who YOU are is light. And, most importantly: who YOU are is love. And it takes no effort to love. It simply is.

Get unstuck. Don’t let their voice or their actions and inability to love turn into your inner voice that you carry with you. Unstick yourself. Use some emotional goo-gone and stop that roller coaster of self-doubt and self loathing.

Stay clear of those people who make you doubt your value in this world. Because YOU are absolutely-fucking-amazing, friend. When you find yourself doubting that, read this. YOU are filling the YOU shaped hole in this universe. And no one else could ever do that.

#keepshining

Always. xoxo

self-compassion

Writing my Way Forward

Writing has become my own personal therapy. My new best friend. My person who will listen without judgement. My true ride or die. I’ve learned that I have to be all of these things for myself because others who promised they’d never leave and would be with me “all the days no matter what” have gone.

I write to feel heard. I write to make sense of the chaos and to understand and to be understood.

I write and I share and I try make sense of the things that I struggle with and I hope that my story resonates with others who have similar struggles.

I hope you know you’re not alone and I hope you know that there are people in the same boat — just different bodies of water; in different places with different destinations.

Keep rowing your boat. Rest when you need to but keep going.

All the love. All the days.

xoxo

self-compassion, Spring 2019

What I’m LOVING this Wednesday!

Happy First Day of Spring, friends!  We made it through the Winter — officially.  (Living in Virginia, where we often experience all 4-seasons in any given week, it’s questionable that it’s really “Spring” but we’ll just go along with the calendar saying so.)

It’s been a fun but stressful week here in my little world but I’m still LOVING some things that have eased my stresses, so here goes!

  1.  Reading is my escape from reality these days – it’s FABULOUS to be able to check out from the grind and daily nonsense and this week I got absolutely lost in this book – I got the Kindle edition from Amazon and stayed up until the wee hours just to finish it because I got completely sucked in.  It’s a def  MUST READ.  Apple Tree Yard by Louise Doughty.  Apparently, there’s also a mini-series of sorts on the BBC but I haven’t checked that out yet.  Let me know if you have and if you recommend it:).
  2. In true celebration of Spring time, I got a hair cut this weekend – just a trim and shape up really.  But it’s at that “just got cut and doesn’t really do what I tell it to” stage so I’m loving this stuff that my friend Erica recommended: SGX NYC The-Do-It-All.  It’s a dry shampoo meets hairspray concoction that refreshes and smells fabulous and also lightly holds a style.  This stuff is super yummy, y’all.
  3. Aromatherapy is my new jam.  I love everything in my home and environment smelling like roses, rainbows and sunshine.  It’s been a hard week – I know I already said that – BUT, this stuff is what’s up and I cannot get enough of it: Spray the Bitch Away.  “An aromatherapy spray for when you’re irritated, pissed off, annoyed, tired, peeved, frustrated, enraged, and have an overall bad attitude!” is their own description of this stuff and it’s PERFECT. It includes Rose Geranium and Clary Sage, Lavender, Bergamot, and Frankincense, which all have a calming effect. Let’s breathe.
  4. I’ve needed hella inspiration this week.  If you need some too, my latest favorite human that we share this planet with is Tanya Markul aka the Thug Unicorn.  Check out her poetry and words and find your way forward.  (There’s even a tee-shirt and it’s super cute on her site.  At least I can wear something to remind me of my voice when I’m down.)
  5. This week’s favorite quote:”May you always be the one who notices the little things that make the light pour through, and may they always remind you: There is more to life and there is more to you. ” – Morgan Harper Nichols

xoxo Always,

#keepshining

Spring 2019, Uncategorized

What I’m LOVING Spring 2019 Edition

Friends! In an effort to get us all Spring Ready and FABULOUS I reached out to my friend and fellow blogger extraordinaire, Jennifer McCune to have her share some of her most helpful tips for skin care. I’m so excited to share her recommendations and tools of the trade that she swears by. And, be sure to check out her blog, Mompreneur Next Door.

P.s the pictures above are Jennifer’s own from 2007 to 2015 and those results?! Wow!

Ah, spring! The time of year when we get outside more and show off our gorgeous skin! So of course it’s also the best time of year to think of how best to take care of our largest organ and feel confident with how we look.

Tip Number One – Brighten up that dull-looking winter skin by exfoliating a few times a week with a gentle exfoliant to remove that top layer of dead skin cells. Using a skin care routine that includes a gentle moisturizer, Vitamin C, Retinol and a sunscreen will help brighten up your skin and prevent future damage as well. Look for products that are meant to work together as well. If not, it’s like mixing together cinnamon and garlic. They’re both great alone but don’t work so well together.

Tip Number Two – Don’t forget those eyes! As we age, our eyes appear smaller so not only do you want to start using a good eye cream at a young age, but you also want something to enhance your lashes. Falsies can be very damaging and costly long-term, so a good serum is the easiest, healthiest and most cost-effective option.


Tip Number Three – Wear a daily sunscreen to prevent further sun damage. If you want to get a fresh-looking natural glow, try a sunless tanner and don’t forget your vitamin D.

All of these tips along with wearing a hat, drinking lots of water, and sleeping 7+ hours a night will keep you aging gracefully and feeling and looking fantastic! Remember that the best wrinkle is the one you never get!