self-compassion

Keeping Score

It’s funny how there are times in life where you absolutely need to take a step back and re-evaluate your life. Most recently, that is happening for me as I’m about to celebrate my 42nd birthday in a few days.

I’ve had a number of starts, stops and resets in my personal journey and just as I think I’ve finally started to figure (some) things out, the universe seems to shake things up again. I begin (again) to rethink all of my decisions that have brought me to where I am at the present moment and I take time to really look at my world and my life and my choices and ask myself the hard questions.

I wonder does anyone else find themselves second guessing things over and over again? I’m envious of the people in the world who just seem to have gotten things right and appear for all intents and purposes to be coasting through their lives. (If that’s you reading this, you need to call me or write a how-to book because I feel like my time is ticking away and my life is overwrought with mistakes on top of more mistakes.)

I really do want to get things right. Just once.

Overall, I just want peace and quiet deep down and all the way into my soul because I’m tired, y’all. At the same time, in my current role as a Bereavement Coordinator for a local Hospice, I have the honor of spending time with people in their final days and sometimes hours while supporting their families and significant others as they learn their way forward in their grief. I’ve found that I’m so envious of those people who have their forever person to hold their hand through their life’s journey. Recently I’ve supported people who have had “their person” for 50+ years. It seems a rare thing in this day and age and it’s bittersweet to have a small window in to a love like that.

And then I think to myself, maybe I’m my own person. Maybe there’s no real “ride or die” that’s meant for me. Maybe my journey is meant to have starts and stops and resets because I’m supposed to learn grace and patience and perseverance along the way with fierce independence? And if that’s the case: yikes. That’s hella scary to me.

I love people. I love people fiercely. But maybe a fierce and hard love like that burns so brightly and then, ultimately burns out for a reason. Maybe I’ve given too much of what’s inherently me, away.

I don’t have the answers for me. I had hoped that I’d have my shit figured out by now. The only thing I really know for sure anymore is that I know absolutely nothing.

I know that there are no absolutes for me and there haven’t yet been any black and white situations where I’ve known what’s what. There’s all kinds of shades of grey.

And maybe that too, is a lesson that this life is teaching me. That I’m not ready for the test or the final exam so to speak. I’m still learning and growing and studying and hoping that I’ll ace it when my time comes.

Let’s cross our fingers and hope.

Much love.

Always.

xoxo

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What this Blog’s About

This journey has been hard for me, and I know it has been hard for you too. I suffered childhood traumas. I’ve experienced adult challenges. Now I am focused on healing. My healing. Your healing.

In my successful career as a social worker/advocate for geriatric patients, I helped seniors live their latter phases with dignity, and I helped their families through the pains of their final goodbyes. After 20 years in that space, I realized that I wanted to use what I had learned in school, at work, and most importantly: IN LIFE — to help people of all ages overcome the struggles they face every day. I have completed mental health & wellness trainings and I am excited to help others overcome while I do the same in my own life.

Mental wellness & self-care is a never ending journey, not a destination.

We all have hurts and negative habits and dark places…but we can all shine. Being Shiny doesn’t happen by accident. It takes time, energy, and intentionality to truly shine. You have to make space in your life & your heart for the practices (not perfects) that let your soul come out and truly sparkle. I’ve created this space- which I hope will become a community- to share what I am learning on this journey. Let’s do these things together.

Thanks for the love, my fellow Shiny Beings!

I’d love it you’d follow my pages on Facebook & Instagram, too.

Always,

xoxo

Danielle