self-care, self-compassion

Reading and Writing for Wellness

This past weekend was hella tough. For a variety of reasons. But the most strikingly painful part was realizing that I exist in a world where the people who were my unconditional people are no longer here.

In looking for ways to love myself through it, I found a fabulous book called Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig.

In my own anxiety and depression, I sometimes have felt that I’m alone and isolated and that no one understands where I am emotionally and that seems to make that proverbial “black hole” of sadness and loss of hope grow.

Writing has been therapeutic for me and reading about other people’s journeys is also hugely helpful. While everyone’s journey and circumstances vary wildly, we all have the human condition of suffering. But, we also can learn and grow and heal and help each other learn new ways to give oxygen to whatever it is that ails us so that we can recover together.

I hope you know you aren’t alone.

I hope you know you matter.

I hope you know you’re loved and I hope you remember to love yourself when things get hard.

And in the moments that you need reminders and you need support to realize and understand that you really aren’t all alone in the world, find someone that you can relate to — either in person, over the phone, virtually or even like I sometimes do: with a wonderful book.

Much love.

Always,

xoxo

self-compassion

Oops! I did it again.

I seem to have fallen back into the bad habits that I promised to quit over the last few weeks.

The “trying to prove I’m worthy of love” thing. The “look at me! Here I am. Act like you love me” thing.

It’s not a good look, y’all.

It’s also not a good feeling when you’re texting and messaging and hoping for some vague acknowledgment of your existence on the planet as a human being of value and worth.

Here’s what I know for sure (and that I need to remind myself of again):

– Love is free.

– Love is perfect.

– Love doesn’t demand a single thing from me. It simply IS.

I’m ever grateful for the beautiful souls that I walk this world with that accept me for me and love me; even on the hard days.

The people in your life that matter should never make you believe that you’re hard to love. Because you’re not. Not for the hearts who are truly meant to love you.

Always,

xoxo

self-care, self-compassion

My Best Advice for Bad Days

Sometimes, I need to take it back to the very basics. I mean super basics. Because I tend to get lost in the shuffle and lose my way. And those are the days that I need to keep it simple.

My keeping it simple looks like this:

Set an alarm and get the hell up and out of bed. On the really bad days, I’m always surprised at how hard a task this simple can actually be.

Once you’re up and moving about, take a long shower. Wash away those negative thoughts and feelings with a fresh smelling soap and shampoo. Rinse and repeat and you’ll be surprised at how much better you can feel emotionally once you’re physically well cared for.

Take time to find clothes that are soft and soothing. Now is not the time to go all out with heels and bobbles. Keep it soft and cozy and wrap yourself in things that bring you comfort while you’re bouncing back to the you that you know and love.

Listen to uplifting and encouraging music or a podcast. Keep it positive and light, bright and happy.

Eat the cake. Or the carbs. Whatever works. Nourish and indulge and embrace the comfort food as you care for you.

Take time to breathe. Really breathe and be in the moment. We can’t change the past or the future and worry does no one any good at all.

What are your self-care tips for the really bad days? What works for you and helps you love yourself through it? I’d love to hear your ideas.

In the mean time, take care of you.

Always,

self-compassion

Writing my Way Forward

Writing has become my own personal therapy. My new best friend. My person who will listen without judgement. My true ride or die. I’ve learned that I have to be all of these things for myself because others who promised they’d never leave and would be with me “all the days no matter what” have gone.

I write to feel heard. I write to make sense of the chaos and to understand and to be understood.

I write and I share and I try make sense of the things that I struggle with and I hope that my story resonates with others who have similar struggles.

I hope you know you’re not alone and I hope you know that there are people in the same boat — just different bodies of water; in different places with different destinations.

Keep rowing your boat. Rest when you need to but keep going.

All the love. All the days.

xoxo

Uncategorized

There will be bad days.

There really will. Those don’t end just because we’ve taken the leap to “get our shit together”. And guess what? That’s ok.

My bad days are not so pretty. They’re not glitter and sunshine filled. Not even a little bit. I will spend the day in my pajamas, hair in a messy bun and completely stuck in my head. And my head, in case you were wondering, can be a super dark and lonely place.

Those of us who grew up in less than idyllic family environments, with abuses, trauma or neglect, literally experience a different kind of brain development. Growing up as a child and living in the constant state of fight, flight or freeze changes our chemical makeup while our brains and bodies are still developing. (True story, y’all – and if you’d like to read further on this particular subject or you’re feeling extra nerdy, I highly recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD.)

What that means to me, personally, is that I am hyper-sensitive to everything. Every. Little. Thing. People could look across the room crosseyed and not even have the first thought about little ole me and I will immediately think and know with every ounce of my being that they hate me and I’ve done something offensive – like breathe.

I’m not even kidding. My brain and my chemistry are jacked up. I have to constantly talk myself down and out of my head and try to rationalize with my book-brain (that knows very well that my thoughts and emotions aren’t logical) in order to recognize that everything isn’t about me and everything also isn’t bad or horrible. People in my life aren’t going to abandon me. I’m not a horrible person. People aren’t judging me. People don’t hate me. People don’t look at me and know that I’m fundamentally somehow broken as a person or lacking.

And this is the exhausting part. I overthink and hyper-analyze and second guess every interaction that I have with anyone – no matter how small – because ultimately, the me that was raised by people who didn’t know how to love me, is still here. And I’ve had to make it my job to show that girl the unconditional love that she was denied. There’s not enough bandaids in the world to cover and heal that kind of hurt, friends. You just have to love yourself through it and make the best of what’s left of your life and your world and move past the things that tried to break you.

You’re still here for a reason. And so am I. And on our bad days, we can rest in that knowledge until we make it to a better day.

Much love,

Always. xoxo