Sometimes, I need to take it back to the very basics. I mean super basics. Because I tend to get lost in the shuffle and lose my way. And those are the days that I need to keep it simple.
My keeping it simple looks like this:
Set an alarm and get the hell up and out of bed. On the really bad days, I’m always surprised at how hard a task this simple can actually be.
Once you’re up and moving about, take a long shower. Wash away those negative thoughts and feelings with a fresh smelling soap and shampoo. Rinse and repeat and you’ll be surprised at how much better you can feel emotionally once you’re physically well cared for.
Take time to find clothes that are soft and soothing. Now is not the time to go all out with heels and bobbles. Keep it soft and cozy and wrap yourself in things that bring you comfort while you’re bouncing back to the you that you know and love.
Listen to uplifting and encouraging music or a podcast. Keep it positive and light, bright and happy.
Eat the cake. Or the carbs. Whatever works. Nourish and indulge and embrace the comfort food as you care for you.
Take time to breathe. Really breathe and be in the moment. We can’t change the past or the future and worry does no one any good at all.
What are your self-care tips for the really bad days? What works for you and helps you love yourself through it? I’d love to hear your ideas.
In the mean time, take care of you.
I came to this grand conclusion this week.
I’m aware that I’m loud, awkward and extra.
That’s probably a hard reality for my kids who are currently teenagers.
But they’ve never known me any other way.
For all of my flaws, they know without a shadow of a doubt that they get all of me — always.
I probably over share. I’m probably too vocal about so many things. But they will never have to question where they stand or wonder what I’m thinking. They know that I will always keep it real. Authenticity is my thing and I don’t hide my mistakes from them. They know that I’m learning as I go. And my hope is that that will give them permission to be flawed and fabulous and beautiful souls walking this earth, too.
I don’t want them to ever have the thought “oh, shit. What’s Mom gonna do?”. I don’t want them to fear being real and sometimes broken or overwhelmed or stressed because my goal is to always be their soft place to land. That’s not to say that I don’t correct them and lose my patience with them when they do things that are not so great; I will always be their Momma and my job is also to guide them and let them know when they’ve gone astray and help them back in the right direction.
But my love never waivers. Not for a single minute. Not ever even for a moment.
They get the best of me and I’m so proud of the young human beings that they are growing into.
I’m having it. Really loudly. This kind of week is messy and ugly and full of all kinds of feelings that I’m not ready to deal with. Better yet, if I am “ready”, I still don’t wanna.
My kids are growing up too flippin fast. I’m proud of the little humans they are becoming but oh how I’d love to rewind on occasion and have them so little that I could rock them and soothe all that ails their little hearts and minds. My oldest is 17 and about to embark on his senior year of high school. He’s also about to take a trip out of the country (and far, far away from me), to visit London AND, he has a week long audition coming up this summer at his dream college (also over 10 hours away from me) to focus on his musical ambitions and career aspirations and in my mind, he’s still that sweet little big headed toddler telling me all about Tigger and Eeyore.
My baby girl is finishing middle school today, in just a few hours, and headed to high school. Can we please just pump the brakes a little? This sweet child of mine is so very determined, kind and deep. She’s truly an “old soul” and observes and feels the world intensely . I’m in awe of all that she is and all that she is yet to become. The world is hers and I can’t wait to watch her leave her mark and change the tide for the better.
And then there’s me. Six days in to my 42nd year on the planet and I’m still rocking some awful decisions on the regular; hopefully though, learning and growing as I go. Or, at least that’s my greatest wish. I feel like my “WTF” moments this week have been fast and furious but I’m finding grace in the journey and trying to be forgiving of my less than stellar moments. I really do try to practice what I preach, y’all. The whole self-compassion gig is hard and it takes practice. Every. Single. Day.
I hope you’re gentle with YOU, too.
When in doubt, I highly recommend the comfort foods. Ice cream and carbs do wonders for your soul.
I preach the self-care and self-compassion deal regularly. Today, I took my own advice and made the time to relax, recharge and hit my personal reset button.
I spent 2 hours on a float, in the lake, with a book and complete silence — except for the sounds of nature in the glorious sunshine.
And. I. Feel. Fabulous.
Those few hours, that I made just for me, have done wonders for my soul.
I soaked up some sunshine. I gained some perspective and I feel like I found me again. I feel grounded and centered and ready to tackle life again.
I hope you make some time for you, too. Even if it’s just 30-minutes of peace and quiet in the fresh air. You owe it to yourself and the world at large to be the best possible version of yourself and that just can’t happen when you neglect your heart and don’t take the time to be gentle with YOU.
Honor your heart and make some peace in your mind.
Take a break from the news and social media and heaviness that you carry about your day. Lay it all down and give yourself the compassion and kindness that you so freely give others.
You, my dear friend, are ever so very worth it.
It’s funny how there are times in life where you absolutely need to take a step back and re-evaluate your life. Most recently, that is happening for me as I’m about to celebrate my 42nd birthday in a few days.
I’ve had a number of starts, stops and resets in my personal journey and just as I think I’ve finally started to figure (some) things out, the universe seems to shake things up again. I begin (again) to rethink all of my decisions that have brought me to where I am at the present moment and I take time to really look at my world and my life and my choices and ask myself the hard questions.
I wonder does anyone else find themselves second guessing things over and over again? I’m envious of the people in the world who just seem to have gotten things right and appear for all intents and purposes to be coasting through their lives. (If that’s you reading this, you need to call me or write a how-to book because I feel like my time is ticking away and my life is overwrought with mistakes on top of more mistakes.)
I really do want to get things right. Just once.
Overall, I just want peace and quiet deep down and all the way into my soul because I’m tired, y’all. At the same time, in my current role as a Bereavement Coordinator for a local Hospice, I have the honor of spending time with people in their final days and sometimes hours while supporting their families and significant others as they learn their way forward in their grief. I’ve found that I’m so envious of those people who have their forever person to hold their hand through their life’s journey. Recently I’ve supported people who have had “their person” for 50+ years. It seems a rare thing in this day and age and it’s bittersweet to have a small window in to a love like that.
And then I think to myself, maybe I’m my own person. Maybe there’s no real “ride or die” that’s meant for me. Maybe my journey is meant to have starts and stops and resets because I’m supposed to learn grace and patience and perseverance along the way with fierce independence? And if that’s the case: yikes. That’s hella scary to me.
I love people. I love people fiercely. But maybe a fierce and hard love like that burns so brightly and then, ultimately burns out for a reason. Maybe I’ve given too much of what’s inherently me, away.
I don’t have the answers for me. I had hoped that I’d have my shit figured out by now. The only thing I really know for sure anymore is that I know absolutely nothing.
I know that there are no absolutes for me and there haven’t yet been any black and white situations where I’ve known what’s what. There’s all kinds of shades of grey.
And maybe that too, is a lesson that this life is teaching me. That I’m not ready for the test or the final exam so to speak. I’m still learning and growing and studying and hoping that I’ll ace it when my time comes.
Let’s cross our fingers and hope.
With Mother’s Day quickly approaching, it feels right to share some lessons I’ve learned on my 17-year journey of the Mom-ing.
– My job is to be a soft place for my kids to land. The world is hard and heavy enough and I should be absolute & unconditional for them. That’s not to say that I always agree with them. But I always love them. And I will always love them through the hard parts. Always.
– I learn from them every single day. Whether it’s a new way to view the world at large or strange teen-lingo talk that they use regularly. I’ve learned that sometimes I’m “extra” or “basic” and my daughter loves to tell me “Mom, you do too much” when I’m being the “extra” or the “basic”. They both teach me to laugh at myself.
– They teach me what matters and what my priorities should be. Sometimes, as a Mom, I need to be reminded. Life is fast and hectic. Slowing down to yell and/or cheer at a baseball game or a volleyball game that they are playing brings me back to center. I will always be their biggest fan.
– I didn’t know my heart could love THIS MUCH and continue to grow every single day along with them. Whoever said that thing about “being a Mom is like learning to live with your heart walking around outside your body” sure got it right. My heart is now a 17 year old junior in high school taking his SAT prep courses and an 8th grader getting ready for her Spring Formal this weekend.
-There’s nothing about them that I’d ever change. I accept them for who they are and love them with all of me. Honestly, that’s not only my job but an honor and a privilege. I don’t know how the Universe chose to bless me with them, but I am ever grateful.
Here’s one of my most favorite pics of my little hearts (who were already taller than me several years ago) and I on my wedding day.
Darian & Delaney, your Momma loves you.
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