self-compassion

A Year Ago Today

Things went from bad to worse in the blink of an eye.

Not many people know my entire story and I share it sparingly because I’ve been judged harshly. Not many people supported the choices I made. I’ve lost friends and loved ones along the way and I’ve made choices that I’ve been utterly ashamed of.

But ultimately, my truth today, in this moment, is that I’m proud of who I am.

The road I walked to get to where I am between July 1, 2018 to July 1, 2019 has been anything but pretty. I wouldn’t wish the things I’ve seen and lived through on anyone.

Not ever.

But guess what?

I’m. Still. Standing.

I’m still standing, y’all.

I’m smiling again.

I have a peace deep down that I’ve never known before.

I miss the people I’ve lost.

Every day I want to pick up the phone but I know that there’s nothing good to come of that. I’m simply not who I was then and I don’t want to be that person ever again.

I don’t want to WANT and crave approval and acceptance because I’ve learned the hard lessons of what unconditional love actually is.

I’m grateful for those who helped me get through my journey to the place I am now and I’m sorry that some of those people aren’t with me as I continue on my path forward.

The reasons, I know, are many and scattered and there are a multitude of why and what if’s.

So be it.

I can only pray for their peace, too.

I wish them well.

I hope that one day I will have the courage to share my WHOLE story. Unashamed and raw.

Maybe that will be my goal for July 1, 2020.

Until then, friends, keep shining.

Keep moving forward.

Don’t look back.

All the love.

All the days.

xoxo

self-compassion

It’s Still Heavy

I learned this yesterday.

While grief and pain and worry are heavy burdens to carry, especially on you’re own, so too is joy and excitement and good news.

Everyone knows and expects that the negative emotions are gonna make you feel low and weighed down. That’s why we lean on our systems of support. To lesson our load and share the weight so that our pieces of pain may feel a little less heavy to carry – even for a few moments.

That’s not to say it still doesn’t suck.

And badly.

But sharing your grief, your shame, your sadness and your worry helps. Somehow, giving oxygen to what worries our hearts and minds and sharing it with another soul is soothing.

But what I didn’t realize, until yesterday, is that joy and happiness and excitement and really good news can also feel heavy and make us weighed down.

We’re meant to give oxygen to our happiness and share it as well.

The best parts of our lives are meant to be appreciated and honored with those who we love and who also love us back. Not having a system of support to help us carry the weight of really happy and good news can feel almost burdensome, too.

And that surprised me.

I’ve been grateful for the people who have been in my corner while I have weathered some horrible storms. But just as important as those who helped to carry me through the tough stuff are those who stand with me and smile and are excited for me and my happiness and my life “wins”.

I hope you have people to celebrate with.

When there’s no one to call when you’re bursting at the seams with joy, that joy can quickly feel muted or less than.

And it absolutely shouldn’t.

So find your cheerleading section, y’all. We need those people who clap for us and smile with us just as much as we need those folks who help us when we’re down.

Xoxo

Always.

#keepshining

self-compassion

New Favorites!

Y’all! It’s been a while since I shared things I’m loving but guess what?! I’m loving some FABULOUS things and I have to share.

So here goes: (and happy shopping)

Book: You’re Not Lost by Maxie McCoy – THIS BOOK MIGHT BE MY NEW BIBLE FOR LIVING LIFE. Go get it. Run. Don’t walk.

Bag: Kipling Miri Crossbody Tote – I finally found a work bag that carries it all. My laptop, my binders, my files, and pockets for organizing pens and highlighters and anything else you can think of to get you through the day.

Foundation: Clinique Even Better Refresh – I cannot day enough about this! It’s perfect for Summer-Dry skin and moisturizes 24-hours with a light feeling with AH-MAZING coverage. I love this stuff. It covers all of the imperfections and redness but doesn’t feel make-up-y at all. AND, it lasts through my work day with zero need for retouching.

Lip Gloss: Victoria’s Secret Beauty Rush – Slice of Heaven – sheer but sparkly and non-drying. Pretty perfect for summer.

(I will post links for y’all later.)

Much love,

xoxo

D

self-compassion

Oops! I did it again.

I seem to have fallen back into the bad habits that I promised to quit over the last few weeks.

The “trying to prove I’m worthy of love” thing. The “look at me! Here I am. Act like you love me” thing.

It’s not a good look, y’all.

It’s also not a good feeling when you’re texting and messaging and hoping for some vague acknowledgment of your existence on the planet as a human being of value and worth.

Here’s what I know for sure (and that I need to remind myself of again):

– Love is free.

– Love is perfect.

– Love doesn’t demand a single thing from me. It simply IS.

I’m ever grateful for the beautiful souls that I walk this world with that accept me for me and love me; even on the hard days.

The people in your life that matter should never make you believe that you’re hard to love. Because you’re not. Not for the hearts who are truly meant to love you.

Always,

xoxo