self-compassion

There is No Finish Line

And no one told me. I’ve walked around clueless and uninformed for almost 19 years.

Somewhere along the way I decided that once I got my kids through high school, graduated and off to college that I would feel some level of relief at a “job well done”. That was the imaginary finish line in my head that was my aim and direction. He graduates from high school then he magically does the adulting and I’m gonna coast, right?

Now that I’m one week away from taking my oldest to college, I’m consumed with all kinds of emotions and worries as I realize (probably late) that I’m not done.

My job isn’t done.

We crossed off some milestones but he’s still one of my reasons for being. And that won’t ever change. Even when he does the adulting.

I can’t help but wonder if he’s ready. If he’s been given the tools he needs to be whatever his version of successful and happy looks like.

Did I do the Momming right?

How do we ever really know?

In the meantime, since I missed the memo, to the Mommas of younger kids, here’s your reminder:

THERE IS NO FINISH LINE.

The milestones and checkboxes and worries are different now that he’s grown and about to be off on his own. Rather than worrying about his grades or his homework, I find that I worry about his overall well-being. I want him to feel safe and secure and happy in the world at large. The fact that he will now do that away from me and his family is so very scary. I won’t be able to peak a look at his face or yell upstairs when he’s being loud and crazy. I won’t be able to see his frustrated face on the bad days and help him process and feel better.

I’m grateful that we can stay in touch with FaceTime and all of the nifty tech gadgets but my goodness how much I will miss his presence and his energy and his hugs.

There is no finish line.

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