self-compassion

The Aftermath of Wrecked Life Plans

The messy parts have started.

The part where after having lost my job for 8 weeks after having a serious medical crisis without health insurance starts to show up in everyday life. The bills that have gotten behind and can’t get caught up because once you’re behind, you’re always just barely treading water.

And I’m officially taking on water and there’s holes all about my life boat.

I’m grateful for being well enough to be able to work again, even part time. It makes me feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. But the reality of the present is that my power is about to be turned off if I don’t figure out a way to pay it. My car was repo’d. I’ve been making the hard choices between medications and utility bills or rent and groceries and gas for a borrowed vehicle to be able to get to and from work.

At 41, I never imagined that this would be my life and that I’d be awake at night worrying about the most basic expenses in order to merely survive. And anyone that knew me prior to what I lovingly refer to as “the shit show” could vouch for my love of shopping, dining out and traveling and being otherwise care free. I really didn’t believe that phrase that “we’re all just 3 paychecks away from homelessness” but it’s so true and it’s so scary.

My advice to you, who are healthy and happy and not facing multiple losses in your life, is to make sure you have a plan. Make sure you have savings. Make sure your health insurance and accident and life insurances are in order. We really don’t know what tomorrow can throw at us and you’d better be ready to catch whatever comes your way.

Don’t find yourself in a position where you’re treading water and your life boat is full of holes. It’s exhausting. It’s embarrassing. And I wouldn’t wish this level of worry on anyone.

Much love, friends.

Always. xoxo

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