self-compassion

The Aftermath of Wrecked Life Plans

The messy parts have started.

The part where after having lost my job for 8 weeks after having a serious medical crisis without health insurance starts to show up in everyday life. The bills that have gotten behind and can’t get caught up because once you’re behind, you’re always just barely treading water.

And I’m officially taking on water and there’s holes all about my life boat.

I’m grateful for being well enough to be able to work again, even part time. It makes me feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. But the reality of the present is that my power is about to be turned off if I don’t figure out a way to pay it. My car was repo’d. I’ve been making the hard choices between medications and utility bills or rent and groceries and gas for a borrowed vehicle to be able to get to and from work.

At 41, I never imagined that this would be my life and that I’d be awake at night worrying about the most basic expenses in order to merely survive. And anyone that knew me prior to what I lovingly refer to as “the shit show” could vouch for my love of shopping, dining out and traveling and being otherwise care free. I really didn’t believe that phrase that “we’re all just 3 paychecks away from homelessness” but it’s so true and it’s so scary.

My advice to you, who are healthy and happy and not facing multiple losses in your life, is to make sure you have a plan. Make sure you have savings. Make sure your health insurance and accident and life insurances are in order. We really don’t know what tomorrow can throw at us and you’d better be ready to catch whatever comes your way.

Don’t find yourself in a position where you’re treading water and your life boat is full of holes. It’s exhausting. It’s embarrassing. And I wouldn’t wish this level of worry on anyone.

Much love, friends.

Always. xoxo

self-care, self-compassion

Un-Stick Yourself!

Some of the harder life lessons that I’ve carried with me for 42 years, I’ve recently had to unlearn and un-teach myself. They were lies. The big, fat ugly ones. The heavy ones that weigh you down and cause you to be small and feel like you can’t stand up tall and be who you’re made to be.

It’s not really clear to me where I picked up these untruths. I can’t say if anyone in particular said them to me with their outside voice or I was simply led to believe them by the actions of others. But they stuck.

And, the un-sticking has been hard. But it’s also been worth it.

Here are some of my favorite big-fat-ugly lies that I am unlearning: I am inherently hard to love. I am too much. I am not enough. I’m unworthy of kindness. Who I am is wrong.

And here are the universal truths that I am reteaching myself —- on a daily basis: Love is easy. Love doesn’t judge. Love doesn’t keep a tally of wrongs. Love doesn’t require me to do anything. Love lets me be me and doesn’t ask a single thing of me. Love doesn’t find my faults. Love doesn’t shame me. Love doesn’t make me feel anxious or less than. Love doesn’t think I’m too much. Love doesn’t think I’m not enough.

Also: Love is perfect. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love doesn’t judge. Love doesn’t require me to earn it. Love simply is.

I hope that you haven’t learned the wrong lessons in your life, but if you have, I want you to know that those big-fat-ugly lies are not who YOU are. Who YOU are is magic. Who YOU are is light. And, most importantly: who YOU are is love. And it takes no effort to love. It simply is.

Get unstuck. Don’t let their voice or their actions and inability to love turn into your inner voice that you carry with you. Unstick yourself. Use some emotional goo-gone and stop that roller coaster of self-doubt and self loathing.

Stay clear of those people who make you doubt your value in this world. Because YOU are absolutely-fucking-amazing, friend. When you find yourself doubting that, read this. YOU are filling the YOU shaped hole in this universe. And no one else could ever do that.

#keepshining

Always. xoxo

self-compassion

To Be Continued…

I sat down about 6-weeks ago and decided to start this blog because I wanted to share my journey and my struggles and not feel so alone. I had recently lost my job after having had a TIA /Mini-stroke and was feeling kinda super isolated and alone in the world and it became my way to get it all out while being physically isolated and actively recovering. It became therapeutic and cathartic and has been so helpful to me to still have a way to share my voice. I’m grateful for this modern age of technology allowing people like me to connect and feel inspired by others’ journeys and paths – even when you’re subjected to a medical house arrest – because FYI, the doctor takes away your driving privileges for 4 weeks to 6 months when you lose consciousness – ummmmmm, yikes.

I’ve been MIA for the last ten days or so as I’ve started a new job for a local hospice agency as their bereavement coordinator and I’m so excited for the opportunity to be back doing what I love to do in the world and helping people. You don’t realize how strongly you identify with your professional self until your professional self is put on pause.

And, while I was having to pause, I was feeling super depressed and anxious. Having this blog has been a way to process my thoughts. I have found some focus and purpose in the larger world while I wasn’t able to work and that has been tremendous for me. I’ve been overwhelmed by the support and positivity I’ve found in this little cyber village and I hope that other folks are able to find their way forward with the support systems that work best for them.

I’m still gonna blog but I won’t be posting as often as I had been since I’m getting back into the swing of the work life-ing. I’m still going to focus the page on self-care and wellness and “What I’m Loving on Wednesdays” (because shopping).

All the love. ❤️

Thanks for being a part of my journey, friends. #keepshining

xoxo, Always – D

self-care, Spring 2019

What I’m LOVING this Wednesday

It’s actually Thursday and I’m late with this post – all apologies but it’s been a busy week. I hope this edition finds you well and happy.

So, without further delay, here’s what I’m loving:

  1. I am guilty of loving all things glitter and sparkly – even at 41 years of age. I’m not even a little bit sorry about it either. I’ve found the cutest stuff that’s used for your hair and your body: Sea Goddess Hair & Body Shimmer Mist is what you need to sparkle any and every day. It’s a non-aerosol spray infused with ultra-fine, ocean-friendly mica that mimics the look of the ocean’s current. Ummmmmm…..yes, please. What’s not to love?
  2. Sunday Forever is my new favorite online shopping experience for all things pampering. They have the most luscious kimonos that are so soft and absolutely indulgent. The classic pale pink is perfection and they also carry a delightful collection of candles. You MUST check out the Tan Lines Summer & Suntans scent – it’s delish. They preach that “everything you need to cleanse your energy and protect your vibes” can be found in their shop and I have to agree. While it’s definitely a splurge, you deserve it.
  3. I refuse to believe that I’m the only person left on the planet that loves stationary and actual writing with a pen and paper. I am a sucker for the cute things that can be written in and on and that are small enough to keep in my bag when I’m out and about. Check out these adorable and compact diary planners from Moolang.
  4. I’m currently reading and loving Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s motivational and uplifting and light and breezy and Spring time appropriate. Her words make me feel like I can conquer all of my goals —–you can too.

Hope it’s been a wonderful week for you too. Let me know what you’re loving this week.

All the love, friends! #keepshining

self-compassion

Perfection Pending

This life is hella messy, friends. It hurts and the weight of the world is sometimes overwhelmingly heavy. But still we move forward – whatever that may look like for you – your own personal forward-takeyourstepsandstumbleandgetdirty. But GET BACK UP.

Forgive past versions of yourself for needing to learn. You wouldn’t be the person you are today without her mistakes. – Spirit Daughter

Don’tstop&don’tgiveup.Ipromisethisworldneedsthelightthatyoushine-youjusthavetobelieveityourself.

For yourself.

For now.

The most useful advice I received during a dark time in my life was from my sweet friend Kim and she told me: “Focus on the 5 minutes in front of you and hit that reset button as often as you need.”

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self-compassion

Writing my Way Forward

Writing has become my own personal therapy. My new best friend. My person who will listen without judgement. My true ride or die. I’ve learned that I have to be all of these things for myself because others who promised they’d never leave and would be with me “all the days no matter what” have gone.

I write to feel heard. I write to make sense of the chaos and to understand and to be understood.

I write and I share and I try make sense of the things that I struggle with and I hope that my story resonates with others who have similar struggles.

I hope you know you’re not alone and I hope you know that there are people in the same boat — just different bodies of water; in different places with different destinations.

Keep rowing your boat. Rest when you need to but keep going.

All the love. All the days.

xoxo

self-compassion

Trusting your Journey

Now this is the hard part and the piece that I struggle the most with. Patience is not my strong point; especially when I’m trying to find my way forward and it feels like the universe is conspiring against me.

Case in point: 3 weeks ago I had a TIA or a “mini-stroke”. I’m hella lucky to be here and recovering and doing as well as I am, however, these last 3 weeks have tested me in ways I could never even imagine.

On the evening of February 13, I was wrapping up an evening shift at my brand new-to-me job (only 37 days in) at an inpatient crisis stabilization program for folks with mental illness and substance use disorders. This was a HUGE career change for me as I had been working for the past 20 years in the geriatric field of social work.

To say that I was…

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